Wait, That's Honestly an Olympic Event?

I think I became visibily upset when I realized that no picture I post would REALLY do it justice, but wow..."walking" is an olympic sport? Really? I just wanted to make sure, because if that's the case, i'd like to also submit a few other ideas I had:

  • hanging out (10k and 20k)
  • going to the bus stop
  • looking at things
  • picking up a stick, then putting it back down

The event is not even done justice until you watch it. It just looks like 40 people who all had a big cup of coffee and just REALLY need to go to the bathroom. I don't know what's more embarassing as well: telling people you were in the olympics for...walking? Or losing this event and coming in last. Because that guy is officially the worst, best walker in all the land. And the people who scored the commentating gig for this? That must have been a let down of a meeting.

Producer: Okay guys...looks like Bob is going to be the MC of all the events this year, so let's all have a round of applause for that one (golf claps). Hmmm...we'll put Jim and Gary on every Michael Phelps event...oh and um..Larry. We're gonna need you to take care of the Men's 20k Walk. Okay everyone? Let's have fun out there!

Larry: Wait I don't even get like, archery or softball? (leaves room quickly, grabs a pillow and locks himself in another room and screams endlessly into it)

Do you think that the "walkers" are like the kicker on the football team? That all the track and field guys don't talk to them, and all just laugh and point when they walk by them? This is the impression that I get.

I seriously encourage you to try and catch it on TV if you can. It will not let you down if you enjoyed the film Ace Ventura.

Sidenote: Wouldn't it be endlessly ironic and hilarious if an American won the event, because everyone hates us because we don't walk anywhere anymore and we're all fat? Just seems like it would be a fitting conclusion to the event.

Drew Hoolhorst

I have a black belt in feelings.