I don't know what to think of Valentine's Day. Being that I'm a serial monogamist (truth), I usually love this day. It's a surefire way for me to spend too much money, pull out the John Cusack in me, and woo the fuck out of a girl. But here's the thing: It kind of sucks when you are single. You know why? Because EVERYONE IS IN LOVE. I mean, even that guy who is always on second life? He has a girlfriend. People eating big macs, dying a slow, over processed death? They are happier than you. They are smiling. Their girlfriend is wiping the sesame seed off of their cheek, saying, "awww honey, that's so adorable! look at that rainbow over there! do me on it!" And well, I'm just eating a big mac while prospective mates judge me and think, "well I certainly wouldn't ever date a guy who eats big macs" (I don't eat big macs ladies. But I do love chicken mcnuggets, even if there is no "mcnugget" region on a chicken. Don't worry, I'm aware). Sucks. But I had a thought. You know what? I'd makeout with me. No seriously, I'd take me. I'm pretty attractive (pats self on back), I am pretty funny (keeps fishing, pats self on back again), and I have normal friends, which all girls know gives a guy silent street cred. In terms of bare bones criteria for "a guy you'd probably hook up with", I've got to at least be partially there. I will not point out my flaws. Because I don't have any. But really, I'd makeout with me.
Point being, on this lovely hallmark holiday...I will have no valentine (fishing again, but only if you're really attractive and want to makeout with me...see the theme?). And hey, guess what? Your loss, ladies. I think. But instead of throwing my woo at a woman, I've decided to throw out a mixtape as a form of friend woo to all of you out there. It's delicious, tastes like fairy dust, and we can all eat it together and giggle while we get sesame seeds on our cheeks. So yeah, I love you too. Happy valentine's day.
So in honor of valentine's day... I'd Makeout With Me ... a mixtape of hapiness that we can all have a serious relationship with and it won't totally fuck up and breakup with us someday. Because we are perfect. (I don't know if you can tell, but i'm single. Call me)
Click below to have your ears melt with love and candybars. Because as my friend Ali (who is a human pandora radio) and I agree...
"If you can't makeout with yourself, then I mean..."