There's An App For That

If you ever doubted why you need a pretentious device like an iPhone, I'm pretty sure my roommate Dave and I just answered all of your hesitations. So Dave and I were having a normal Tuesday evening conversation. You know, about how he's not caught up in True Blood and how he'd really like it if I didn't spoil it for him. After this, we discussed the new issue of O magazine and then held hands skipping to Safeway to buy the newest issue of Tiger Beat. I'm kidding about the skipping and holding hands (but I'd probably buy Tiger Beat...only if Chace Crawford was on the cover or there was a pull-out poster of Taylor Lautner in it).

So I tell Dave that in the second to last episode of True Blood, he'll learn that there is actually a famous monster summit, and we learn that Bill is, in fact, Dracula and that the entire show actually revolves around the plot of the 1987 underrated cult classic film "Monster Squad". This, of course, goes into the only logical segway of this conversation: were Count Chocula and Boo Berry invited?

After a brief chuckle, we got into an obviously serious conversation about the monster cereals and who was what. Only able to name the Count and our main man Boo, we began to wonder who the others were. And then of course, we did what white people in San Francisco do: we whipped out our iPhones to get to the bottom of things.

Within possibly seven seconds, the search for "Count Chocula" garnered the greatest google result ever: a General Mills monster-themed breakfast cereals wikipedia page. (Um, what? Who has the TIME to create this page? Did they also spend a Saturday night filling out the wikipedia page for Teen Wolf Too?) (Second grammatically incorrect usage of parentheses: I love that it's called "Teen Wolf Too" and not "Teen Wolf 2"...I hope the intern who shouted that out during the pitch meeting is running a studio somewhere now)

We were relieved to find out that, yes, the Count was in fact a pun on the vampire Count Dracula. PHEW! Thanks, wikipedia nerd! Furthermore, his cohorts were as we suspected for the most part: Frankenberry, Boo Berry, and two lesser knowns that apparently didn't make the "your dentist hates you" cereal cut and were discontinued...Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy. Can you imagine that meeting?

Monster-Themed Cereal Executive #1: "While I'm totally for the chocolate cereal and the marshmallow cereal, the lime cereal is a bit worrisome health-wise...and the mummy, frankly, is going to terrify children."

Monster-Themed Cereal Executive #2: "I'm glad you are voicing this fear, Monster-Themed Cereal Executive #1. I was actually up late last night worried about the exact same things. Shall we move on to the cereal made of cookies? I think it's our Cheerios killer."

So the moral is: if you are worried about the higher bill for the data plan of an iPhone and of course the fact that you may not need this phone at all, one day you may just want to know who the characters were in the General Mills monster-themed breakfast cereals line.

Are you willing to live a life knowing you are at risk in situations like this?

Drew Hoolhorst

San Francisco, CA 94110, USA

I have a black belt in feelings.