The Microwave/Where Is The Macrowave?

So I got to thinking the other day at work. The microwave is a terrifying, odd device. Here's my thought process anyway. We are all terrified of radiation and cancer and all that. The whole, "ahhh we're all gonna die if we put cell phones to our head or drink splenda or enjoy non-fat potato chips" thing is borderline out of control. As I’ve said before. the bluetooth thing...while extremely, EXTREMELY cool in theory (no wires/your brain won't get melted from radiation or..I dunno something like that), just turned out to be a way that everyone could look really stupid with a blinking device on their ear. Oh, and when people call all the conversation ends up being is awkward, due to the, "this conversation kind of sucks, because I can't hear you when you are talking in a wind tunnel." At this point, the person wearing the bluetooth headset usually takes it off after an angry exchange with the person they are on the phone with about how it sounds fine to them, and then the call at this point usually just drops, because apparently no one has any clue how to use a bluetooth device, or why for ANY reason it is called "bluetooth". So hooray Motorola! You've made us all look retarded...and you've made people in tacky suits look important everywhere!

Where was I.

The microwave. WHY are we not HORRIFIED of this device? Seriously, think about that thing. It's the most basic, yet terrifying device I have ever seen. You put in something that is cold. You hit a button....and it starts humming. Just...HUMMING. And please don't write explaining the microwave to me, I’m sure there are great explanations on how a microwave works. Thanks in advance. But that's not the point. It just hums...and then we take whatever we put in it...which oh by the way NOW YOU CAN'T TOUCH BECAUSE A MAGICAL WAVE HAS MADE IT BOILING...and we just eat or drink it. Um, cool. We won't put a cell phone to our heads anymore, but we're totally cool with eating radioactive popcorn or coffee that's been magically transformed into death heat liquid....am I the only one who looks at the microwave and finds this totally creepy?

Oh and ps, there is a grill on the front with tiny little holes all over (look at the microwave door) that apparently is saving us from the radioactivity. This is what the braniacs came up with to prevent us from dying from micro...waves? Are they that dangerous? If so, why do I want them in my popcorn?

After all this, it still stands that I think more than anything I’m just horrified because as a kid I'd sit next to the microwave and stick my forehead on the door staring in at my bagel dog thinking, "cmonbageldogcmonbageldogcmonbageldog"...so that's got me feeling pretty good about my cancer chances.

I bet a macrowave would be awesome. I don't really know why though.

I'm going to go buy a bluetooth headset so I can look really dumb now. See you later.

(For those keeping score at home, that's TWO reposts from an old myspace blog in one day. But I had this conversation at work today and it brought back memories of when I did nothing at work and how I missed that. Wait do I do anything yet?)

Drew Hoolhorst

San Francisco, CA 94110, USA

I have a black belt in feelings.