Random Thoughts For Today

The movie "Disaster Movie" makes me want to kick people in the shins. Not because of seen it, but because it exists. They aren't even TRYING to make sense anymore, they are just putting a bunch of unfunny things together for the creation of an entire film. It's like producers went to a frat house and grabbed the guy who thinks wayans brothers movies are funny and asked him to write an entire script. I mean, "amywinehouse kindacurrentevent juno! baby hulk!" isn't funny. That though process, being made into a sketch? Not funny. Make another movie again, and I will seriously come to your house, ring your doorbell, punch you in the face and then leave immediately. Maybe i'll try to pee on your front porch, but i'll get stage fright, realize I can't and just leave. That may happen, too. I think what scares me the most is that it has made ten million dollars. I did the math, and I could have bought like 2,857,143 jamba juices with that. Which means that for the next 7,287 years I could have one jamba juice every day. Which, for all those keeping score at home, is not possible, you are right. Point being, we could all be drinking a lot of jamba with the money this movie is making. Somebody make the bad man stop. The bus passed a store titled "Hair Now" today. I thought this was a horrible name for a store, as I don't think that if I asked for hair now, they would give it to me. So hey, guess what hair now, you don't make any sense. (ba dum CHING! definitely the seinfeldism of the day, sorry. humor me.)

I'm severely bothered by the Cialis commercials on TV, and really, it's only because of that one scene where they are sitting in bathtubs gazing out at the ocean. This is impossible. On so many levels, this perplexes me. First of all, old people are NOT flexible enough to be having sex in small bathtubs. If you can't get an erection? It's probably time to stop trying to have sex in complicated positions in general in small confined areas. Secondly, they aren't in the same bathtub together, and I find that depressing. But finally...HOW did the hot water get in that bathtub? There is NO water hookup, and if hot water did somehow magically get in there? It's VERY cold now. They are old, they would be very cold. The sea breeze alone would send them into hypothermic chills. C'MON cialis...think things THROUGH before making your ED commercials.

There is a McDonald's commercial on right now that talks about how you can't get anything for a buck anymore. I mean, valid. So the guy deals with all these things that he can't get for a buck. But wait a minute...what about McDonald's? They tell him he can get a chicken sandwich there for a buck, alright! PROBLEM SOLVED! But WAIT a minute...right after this, he has fries and a coke as well. Oh, really McDonald's? Well, if Bob had been asking other places what he could have gotten for $3.74, maybe he would have gotten a different answer, now wouldn't he have? I call bullshit on you. Also, don't forget to add in the five extra dollars he'll need for the diarrhea medication he'll need after eating your products. Thanks.

On my fantasy football team, my tight end is injured and he is thinking of taking a couple of weeks off. I would like to call him into my fantasy office to have a fantasy conversation about how he should fantasy buck the fuck up because i'm going to lose the sport i'm having him play for me. It was hard enough for me to draft someone whose parents were mean enough to name him "Dallas", now I have to go find another person to play the sport for me so I don't have to.

The song of the day is delicious and poptastic, and I just found it yesterday and have listened to it and it alone for like 9 hours straight. Enjoy.


Drew Hoolhorst

I have a black belt in feelings.