Obama vs. Old Man River/That Dying Guy

So here's the thing: I really like Barack Obama, and I don't really like republicans, in general. I know, I know..."you're perpetuating the partisan problem by simply using a blanket statement when not all republicans are the same!" Fair enough. Um, I just don't care though. You guys elected the dumbest human being into office two times in a row, and the rest of the world basically hates us now because of it. Just on principal? This makes me really not happy with you guys right now. I just don't get it, and after Obama just gave one of the greatest speeches in the history of politics (outrageous over exaggeration that I will in no way try to back up with any reasoning or factual evidence, I just thought it was great), the republican "take" on it is hilarious. I was reading this morning that the knock on Obama from republican doubters, apparently, is that he's good at talking. To people. (?) I'm confused. So the knock on the guy we are nominating as our presidential candidate is that...he speaks well? And in turn, people like him? Wait, I don't get it. Instead, you guys want to elect the guy who's like eight billion years old? Because personally, I say we go with the guy who makes complete sentences and is not a year away from drooling on himself. John McCain looks like he should be in an old person's home. I say this because he's 72. Which is old. And personally? I kind of think that's something we should think about. When was the last time you had a huge decision to make, and you ran up to an old person and yelled, "think fast!" I'm guessing they had a heart attack. I say that not to be funny, but because that's what happens when you get older, and I think we all agree that kind of sucks, This is why when people get older we suggest they take it a little easier. You've been living for, you know, a REALLY long time now. Maybe just sit this one out.

I guess another thing that confuses me is that people's knock on Barack (that rhymed, HEY o!) is that he's too normal and...not like other Washington politicians. Again, this thoroughly confuses me. We don't like the guy for president because...people like him? I thought it was kind of a good thing that he didn't talk like a robot, and seemed like you may even be able to hang out with him. John McCain seems like the father of that girl you dated who is the one drawback to dating her: He's this creepy, monotone guy who tells horrible jokes and doesn't let you call him by his first name. And he also has that mothball "old person" scent. Also, the big musician celebrity he has supporting him is Daddy Yankee. I just thought this should be noted.

I watched a man speak last night who, for the first time in my young life, was a politician that truly made me proud to be an American. It felt like other countries were going to like us again. Maybe even invite us over for dinner. Like when the world cup came around? I could actually BE like those crazy ass, awesome Brazilian fans who look proud to wear their yellow and green to support the nation. I'm not trying to be some unappreciative shit: I know it's great to live here. George Bush has just really set us back a billion years. He's dumb, he's dumb, and he's dumb. And that is the man that the ENTIRE world associates us with. Do you go out to the bars at night and think, "Wait, let's make sure to call the guy who sucks at life and says dumb things over and over again so everyone hates us and we get kicked out of everywhere we go! He should TOTALLY represent our friends tonight!" Because that's what we did with nominating George Bush. And we have to walk around every bar saying, "I know, I know. I don't know why we keep hanging out with him. He's a total toolbox."

So republicans, please find better reasons to not like Obama other than "he's awesome and people like him". It's just a really poor argument and it's making you sound dumb. Also, you guys should talk to old man river about picking the VP nominee that hates gay people and wants creationism to be taught in schools. Wow. What is this, 1962? Did he find her in the cave she's been hiding in where she's waiting to hear who won the civil war? The icing on the cake would be that she doesn't think women should have the right to vote. I wouldn't even put it past anyone in the republican party anymore to be this ironically lost in the woods.

I'm not arguing politics. I'm sure some asshole can win that argument with lame "hard-hitting" political analysis and "blah blah blah". And that's fine. The thing is? I just want to pick the guy I really like, that other people really like, and that seems normal. I'm not really that keen on picking the guy who sucks at life and is 412 years old. Oh, and he's friends with George Bush. I mean honestly...that should be enough right there.

Drew Hoolhorst

I have a black belt in feelings.