My Coffee Sleeve Is Making Other People Judge Me

So I was driving to work today, and I took a look at my coffee cup. And I felt a little violated. My coffee is brought to me by the new 90210? Wait, really? There's two naked dudes (and by dudes I mean gigantic douchewads) on my coffee cup? This is not what I signed up for. I just wanted a cup of coffee. Maybe a scone. Who knows, maybe i'll get crazy and throw in a zuchinni bread muffin (which is oddly tasty...I mean, what's next, brocolli yogurt?)...but you know what I didn't order with my coffee? A billboard to carry around that states how big of douche I am and that basically insinuates that I am hanging out with 14 year old girls.

Friend: "Yo Drew, you want to hang out tonight? Maybe grab a drink?"

Drew: "Oh sorry man, you didn't see my coffee cup this morning? Yeah i'm going over to Tanya's house. We're gonna bake a cake in our microbake. And then after that, we're TOTES gonna get cray cray and watch the new 90210! I know Donna is out, but she was totes fugs anyways. BTW, don't forget, Dawson's Creek marathon next week, and it's dress as your favorite character! But don't be a Pacey, EVERYONE is coming as Pacey. Latels!"

And in other news: I just realized after writing that mock conversation I would ideally have due to the nature of my coffee cup sleeve, that maybe the coffee cup was right. While I won't be watching the new 90210, I guess I seem to know a lot about it and clearly cannot deny that I was a douche who watched Dawson's Creek. What a self defeating post. You win again, advertising. You always do...

Touché, coffee cup sleeve. Touché...

Drew Hoolhorst

I have a black belt in feelings.