If life is Jeopardy, I just selected "Shut the f*%k up" For One Billion.

My favorite TV shows have always been iterations of The Real World or Road Rules. The draw was always simple: it always seemed too good to be true.

The Real World was basically pretty cool until you grew up and actually experienced the real world. It's great to imagine that when I was to turn 18, I'd live in a W Hotel suite and my roommates would all be fascinatingly attractive people who were either gay, black, or white but with an open mind. Turns out if they aired a real episode of The Real World, you'd see one guy in a Holiday Inn kinda bummed that no one told him to major in anything but "communications." They did get one part of The Real World right, though: everyone is, for the most part, usually drunk, in a fight with a significant other because it turns out they're attracted to the 98% of the world they didn't meet in High School, and feel like their life is a soap opera people want to watch.

Road Rules was always the clincher for me. For some reason, the idea of living in a car has been some odd idealist dream for me. Sure, it's odd that my dream was to be a hobo, but there's something about the idea of never growing up and putting your apartment in drive when you wake up that's oddly fascinating. Everyone wants their life to be a car that just moves on when they're bored: turns out the real world doesn't really accommodate that with that "bills" shit. But this is where Road Rules was amazing: you take the concept of The Real World and apply it to the Narnia "what if my life was just one big perpetual road trip" mentality. That and I was in love with Kit from the first season.

A few months ago, my boss asked me if I'd like to be a hobo for a month. For work. With three other outrageously interesting people. And if I'd like to write about it in the process and/or be the coffee bitch. And I think I thought it was a joke.

But. Turns out it wasn't.

So hey. Guess what. It's like high school Drew got to dictate his late 20's life and is getting an opportunity to be in a bizarro season of Road Rules. Starting Saturday, I'm getting the opportunity to lug an airstream trailer across America to talk to people and take pictures with them. It's still unclear to me if my boss is a unicorn and whether or not I was on mescaline (or still am) when he proposed such shenanigans, but I guess the mescaline trip starts on Saturday and ends in June sometime.

The cast is as follows.

An Australian I haven't met yet who's really nice on the phone. A director who's very hip that every woman on the planet is attracted to and a guy who everyone at work calls "the beast." Basically...I'm not sure this is real life yet.

But i'll let you know the details once I'm off.

I'm about to drive across America in a f%*king airstream trailer. I think this is the equivalent to checking the "I want to be a fireman" box when I grow up and someone saying, "how about an astronaut instead?"

And being an astronaut sounds pretty nifty.

Don't ever let me complain about anything ever again.

(spoiler alert: I will.)

Rocket Shoes Mixtape 45: If life is Jeopardy, I just selected "Shut the f*%k up" For One Billion.

Stream the whole thing at the link up top.

Or.

Download the whole thing in little mp3′s right here.

Drew Hoolhorst

San Francisco, CA 94110, USA

I have a black belt in feelings.