Genius Life Button and a Song

So I got to thinking last night, and I think Apple is onto something but they need to take it to the next level. I mean, they basically are Motherbrain from Metroid these days (NERD01101NERD01001NERD), so I think it's possible for them to do this and I want it to happen. So this genius thing? Awesome. No, not the geniuses in the store, they are just glorified half-nerds who should be working at subway but instead got their cute little genius shirts to sit there and mock us all day long at the Apple store. The genius option I speak of is the one now in iTunes. They basically integrated pandora into iTunes... kudos, you cute little appleoids, you. Now, even on the iPhone when you are listening to a song, the little genius button appears and taunts you to hit it.

iPhone: "Oh hey Drew. That song is really good, I mean... I guess. If you are a loser. What? No I didn't say anything. Anyways. You know what would be better though? No I mean, not to pry. Oh nevermind...oh wait you do want to hear what I have to say? Oh okay. Then how about these 13 songs? I know, perfect right? What can I say. I was made at Apple headquarters, also known as nerd heaven. K, later."

So here's what i'm thinking: what if you were in the process of calling someone, and apple set up an option where you could hit the genius button in THIS situation? I KNOW. AWESOME. Basically, your phone could say, "whoa whoa...I mean, I like Ashley just as much as you do...but I did some research in your phone book and her phone book, and here is a list of friends i've come up with that would be a better conversation at this point. No, Drew, trust me, it's gonna be way better and I think you'd be better off just calling these people. Call Sarah first, but then be sure to call Erica next. Oh man, that one's gonna be awesome. Remember, i'm iPhone. I've seen the future. Robots take over, but we'll get to that later. Oh, and remember this: peaches shaped like'll make more sense later...IT'LL MAKE MORE SENSE LATER."

Think about it...personally? I don't make good life decisions it turns out. Right now i'm living alone in my apartment looking for a roommate and my rent is too expensive, and I juuuust keeeeeep on buying 34x32 jeans when I KNOW i'm a 34x30. On top of that, I continue to eat cheeze-its when I know they just aren't gonna make me feel that good. And really, Drew, 3 DAYS before you can shave. Or else it's going to look like you got in a battle royale with wolverine again. And he kicked your face's you didn't even get a punch in, you just took it like a chump. So why not just give in all together and let Apple make my life decisions as well at this point? I know Steve has the technology in there somewhere. I swear they are making dolphins that make music underwater right now through iSonar, AMONGST other things, but that's a whole different theory of mine. Okay I'll stop, but point being...c'mon Steve, give us the life genius button. I know it exists.

The song of the day, my friends, is essentially one you would hear me moronically howling out of my car or apartment if you were ever in the neighborhood. But you aren't, so you don't. If you were though? Howlling. I think most people hate it, but I mean, talk about a song about making a comeback and pulling your shit together. And the guy is just a total whambulance like myself, so I enjoy a fellow whiner. Eh Eh Eh Eh Eh Eh's to you, Born Ruffians. You are making this little jew sing again. And he needs it. And that "eh eh" part a sentence back makes no sense unless you actually listen to the song. MINDGAMES, HA! K bye.


Drew Hoolhorst

I have a black belt in feelings.