I'm so gay for California right now. So here's why it's so exciting that Prop 8 got overturned. And I'm going to write this without any actual "knowledge" of "anything" that pertains to actual facts. My main fact that I'm going to work with is that "people who don't like gay people are dicks."
So remember when it wasn't okay to like black people or hang out with them? And women weren't allowed to do anything? That was awkward. You know why? Because basically, it kind of seemed like the world was your older brother, and he was just making up rules while you were playing a game with him.
Brother: "Okay, you throw me the ball and then if I catch it I win."
(you throw ball to brother.)
(brother does not catch it.)
You: "Awesome, so I win!"
Brother: "No. Because I have triple fireball power and also you can't throw the ball after I say the word "ball" and you did so you lose and I have infinity power ever times twelve."
Yes. That game. The one where you just got pissed off. Because it was impossible to win the game. Oh, and the game was terrible and you hated playing it, but your brother was an asshole so you had to play.
That's how I feel the world acted when California's Prop 8 actually went through. Like, we ACTUALLY made a rule that said "gay people are stupid." Mormons paid a lot of money so that people would be everyone's asshole brother and make up a game that made no sense.
Well, today was like the day that you got to beat your brother at that game, because Mom said that he was making up rules, and he got all angry and cried and ran flailing his hands in the air.
So here's to today. Here's to the fact that we don't live in a Narnia that sucks because it doesn't even have talking lions. I'm excited, and feel like I'm watching the good part in the Disney movie.
Because if gay people want to make the same poor dating and marriage decisions that I'm allowed to make, by all means, they should be able to.
They should be able to have bad divorces. More importantly, they should be able to have weddings in the first place. You know why? Because we basically just legalized awesome parties. I'm guessing a gay wedding is going to be about ten times cooler than other weddings. Because I believe in making blanket cliche statements, and I'm pretty sure gay people are just happier in general and a bunch of sheltered people were scared that really happy people just wanted to be really happy and make their sheltered weddings look boring as shit. And I believe I just said happy way too many times in a run-on sentence because I'm just THAT happy about what just happened in America.
So here's to dumb people losing. And here's to them hopefully seeing 40 years from now that gay people not being able to get married was just as silly as awesome black people not being able to do whatever they want and women not being able to do anything, just in general. I feel like America was the boring guy in the corner of the party, and we just got him to dance and lighten up.
I'm pretty sure a bunch of angry Mormons just spent millions of dollars on a campaign that ended in awesome parties. That was a poor investment, and all of the people they didn't want invited showed up and drank all the booze. That's awkward, eh guys.
High five, America. We don't suck.
Rocket Shoes Mixtape 31: Songs That You Can Be Gay For Now That It's Legal
Stream the whole thing at those two links above.
As always, download the whole thing in cute little mp3's at the links below.
(Sidenote: If you are a Mormon who doesn't suck, I'm sorry, not directed at you. Come hang out.)